Hogs won’t win Saturday, Alabama’s ‘smarmy’ fans, SEC predictions

This is the toughest piece I have ever had the pleasure to create. I have thought of so many angles including (but not limited to):

“Remember when you were a child and you knew you were in so much trouble that a brutal spanking was eminent? Each minute crawling by in dreaded anticipation.” Too soapy. Too politically incorrect.

“Alabama is playing their back-up quarterback. Here is how we can win this thing.” Remember Kentucky?

“Recruiting and decommitments could take a complete 180 if we can upset Alabama.” Even Fairy Godmothers would not buy into the drivel. O the

So then I thought, what could Razorbacks coach Chad Morris do (within the confines of our current situation and characters) to even come close to keeping the game respectable on the score board?

Natural thought processes lead me to pontificate on what I would do if I had the opportunity (or misfortune if you will) to stand in Morris’s shoes this Saturday as the Hogs travel to Alabama to give No. 1-ranked Crimson Tide the Razorbacks’ best shot at an upset.

Be sure to listen to the game at 6 p.m. via HitThatLine.com, and on the air at ESPN Arkansas 95.3 in the River Valley, 96.3 in Hot Springs, and 104.3 in Harrison-Mountain Home.

Now that I have made my plug, here are my thoughts on what I would do to motivate the team as only a psychological advantage can be altered at this point:

• John Anderson’s dismissing comments on Sportscenter. Can players be motivated by being overlooked? Absolutely.

If you have not already seen or heard ESPN’s John Anderson’s smarmy “The FPI gives the Hogs and Idle about the same chance against the Tide” comment in his interview with Greg McElroy, feel free to check it out at the 40-second mark, given one can stomach seeing McElroy’s face once more.

You guys remember Greg, he was the classy Alabama quarterback who performed a certain hand gesture to the Auburn fans in 2010.

If I were as desperate as Morris for an SEC win, I would definitely pull the team in early for a pre-game hype video including these remarks and the nonchalant passive lack of concern in Alabama playing Arkansas.

• They’re playing without Tua Tago… Tagung… Tango… Two years in and I still cannot get his name right.

Regardless, everyone from the Hogs staff and locker room knows who this guy is, but this week it is not as important. Mac Jones will be the starting signal caller, and the Razorbacks defense had better know his name and number.

We know what Kentucky can do with a fourth-string wide-receiver transplant. Morris needs to remind this team redemption is needed and ever so desperately now. In short, we can beat anyone’s back-up quarterback.

Start the chants, Chad!

• Bama’s press is clamoring to see the younger Tagovailoa. In case you’ve been busy taking Xanax to celebrate the recent success of the Razorbacks, Tua’s little brother Taulia plays quarterback for Alabama as well.

Apparently the crack reporting staffs covering the Crimson Tide see this week as an opportunity to obtain the underclassmen some game time experience. One even went so far to ask during a recent presser with Nick Saban, which brings me to my next point.

Saban, admittedly or not, holds us in the same regard as Charleston Southern.

Have you ever noticed when Alabama plays a viable foe, Saban takes even the most ludicrous questions from reporters in stride, obviously keeping himself focused on the task at hand void of any overly emotional expressions?

Not so much when his team is playing a cupcake and he is asked a similar question.

In fact, his comments on the game this Saturday reflected upon how well we competed against them last season and even hinting at what flaws we exposed in his and his staff’s strategies.

When asked the aforementioned question about Taulia Tagovailoa, Saban, in his traditional “this will not be an easy win” fashion responded with a rant, most likely to inspire his players. I would show this to the entire team if I were earning millions as the Head Hog.

• Gus Malzahn. He has nothing to do with this week’s game. I simply cannot stand the guy and wanted to ensure everyone was reminded.

• Bowl Eligibility. Why not throw out a token reminder if the players want to take Club Dub on the road for a weeklong festival, losing this game only permits a 4–0 finish to close the season with that possibility?

Beef up your store security guards, Belk, we are coming straight for you.

• They chose this game to celebrate the 2009 National Championship Team. Look the Razorbacks right in the eye, coach, and remind them that Alabama has had a pretty easy non-conference schedule, yet they chose this game to bring everyone together to celebrate past successes while enjoying a game in the background.

We are an AFTERTHOUGHT!

• Bama fans are jerks. In formulating a collaboration with an Alabama writer, I nonchalantly asked them their thoughts on Chad Morris.

Their reply, “I have no thoughts on the man. I do not know anything about him as he is of no concern to me.” My retort: “We are done here. God Bless.”

I would like to justify their attitudes by stating they are only this way because they are the cock with the walk, however, let us be honest, they have ALWAYS been conceited lurches, even in their lean years.

Coach, tell the team that 100,000 pretentious jackasses will be looking down their noses periodically to see if we are still on the sideline. It’s time to shut them up.

• We can spoil their homecoming. We are officially the Johnson County Westside of the SEC. Say nothing other than this, Chad. Say nothing other than this.

Maybe I am wrong. I have been in the past. I will be in the future.

Perhaps tugging at strings will only lessen the fire in the “hearts of the Razorbacks” as this season continues to fill our once bright hopes with disappointment. It’s all about confidence.

Coach Morris, just tell these young men we love them, and we support them. How the scoreboard continues to play out will dictate our sentiments towards you and your staff.

Alabama downs an inspired Arkansas, 38-17.

Be sure to listen to the game at 6 p.m. via HitThatLine.com, and on the air at ESPN Arkansas 95.3 in the River Valley, 96.3 in Hot Springs and 104.3 in Harrison-Mountain Home.

The HTL Weekly Pick Contest is cresting the hill. Andy Hodges continues to show his prowess (and sympathy) while holding firmly onto his lead.

I usually go with the pick I feel the most accurate, yet soon I may have to begin venturing onto the proverbial limb.

This week I stay loyal to my senses and will attempt to gain a game or two. With only five games in the greatest conference, it may be tough.

• Mississippi State at Texas A&M: I have tried to recall earlier thoughts from the off-season. I am certain I expected Mississippi State to perform better in 2019 than their current results.

Maybe I am just getting old, and my memory is failing because I also seem to remember several pundits possessing expectations of A&M being more competitive.

Either way, this once promising scheduled game is now forgettable.

Aggies (because they are at home and slightly better) by 14.

• (9) Auburn at (2) LSU [GAME OF THE WEEK]: Auburn had better thank every friend they have at CBS for ensuring this was not a night game in Death Valley.

Yes, the Tigers (from the Yellowhammer State) are a great team, yet the only major advantage — the ONLY major advantage — they have going for them is LSU might be looking past them in a looming date with a Tua-less Alabama.

Honestly, I think LSU is focused and better, and Bo Nix (who I believe originally signed to play for Hayden Fox) will once again face an atmosphere which will test the true freshman. LSU will win this with special teams play and defense.

Bayou Bengals by 11.

• South Carolina at Tennessee: Look, I could talk about how up and down of a season both of these two SEC foes are having in 2019.

Truthfully, I’d be happier if Arkansas could have even a single one of either of these two teams’ “ups” … last season, this season, or probably even next.

We are in troub… Wait, this is a prediction. I think USC is better, but Tennessee gets the nod at home. This one earns a “Slopfest of the Week” honorable mention.

Vols by 7.

• Arkansas at (1) Alabama: See above. I dare you to put yourself through the intriguing dialogue once more.

• Missouri at Kentucky [SLOPFEST OF THE WEEK]: Who knows? Who really knows? God knows. No one else knows. Everyone thinks.

Rumor has it this week Kentucky signed some cat they call ‘The Colonel’ to quarterback. I feel a Brent Musburger drinking game coming on.

Yes, that was lame, but this game is so uninspiring there is nothing better to say. Maybe I am just depressed about sports due to the Razorbacks.

Tigers by 18.

Just like last week, no matter what happens, we are still Razorbacks to the bitter end? Right? Right? Hey, has anyone seen my goldfish?

Find me on Twitter @PeterMorganWPS

Go HOGS!!!