Conversations with a sports writer: Arkansas-Auburn

Ever seen the unthinkable? You know, like the abominable snowman, Stephen A Smith with his mouth shut, or a football coach crashing his motorcycle along with all our hopes and dreams into a Crosses, Arkansas, ditch solely to impress a volleyball player?

“Why do you always bring up old stuff?”

Hey, speaking of old stuff, remember last week when I said we should not be nervous about the North Texas game? I do not know if you would forgive me of a lie and classify it as simply my being mistaken, however, I would certainly appreciate the thoughtful consideration.

“Do not forget, you also said something about the panic button not needing to be depressed.”

Again, I was wrong. For roughly three-and-a-half hours last Saturday I was fully aware of depression.

What’s worse is if you are a diehard Razorbacks fan like me, then this Saturday evening will also be tough. How tough you ask? Here’s a hint: call your doctor and have them fax in a last-minute prescription for the highest dose of Klonipin available.

If that’s not an option, then a solid 5 p.m. dose of ZzzQuil ought to slumber you throughout the game well into Sunday morning.

Oh, back to the unthinkable.

Arkansas’s offense will turn a page.

“Peter, you had a typo there, leaving out the word ‘not’.”

No, sir. I stand by my statement: Arkansas’s offense will turn a page. Ty Storey at the helm will have a breakout game establishing him as QB1 for the remainder of the season.

The offensive line will step up one game which will reestablish some confidence and hope for the season amongst the fans. Granted, it may not last into the following week, but for one Saturday in September, everything will fall into place.

“Even if the offense plays one of its best games, the defense will struggle with Jarrett Stidham and the talented Auburn offense.”

I beg to differ. Dre Greenlaw (for real this time) and Kevin Richardson are back on defense.

Can two players make an impact? Absolutely. Will they change who has the ‘W’ at the end of the evening?

Probably not, but they can definitely reduce the differential.

Also, Chip Lindsey (the offensive coordinator at Auburn) really does not have the Tigers offense firing on all cylinders like they have done in the past.

They are not averaging as many yards per play this season, nor have they been successful with long plays — only one pass greater than or equal to 40 yards and all rushes have been less than or equal to 30-yards.

“Greater than, less than, equal to? What the heck, man? Does your editor even read your stuff?”

Sorry, bro. My little girl is studying equivalents, and I need as many readers as I can get. And if any of you have made it this far, I will now go on record by saying the Hogs can limit this ninth nationally ranked opponent from a high scoring game.

“Moving on before you compare parts of the team to the periodic table of elements.”

I wasn’t going to backtrack to the offense and mention it, however, since you brought it up, I fully believe our receivers could go the way of acetone peroxide and play with some explosion against Auburn.

It’s time for this unit to meld into a cohesive, functional unit.

“Special teams this week — will they create an impact?”

Let’s just state if Auburn even considers a fake fair catch, then the impact Grant Morgan will have on the receiver will rival that of the 1815 eruption of Mount Tambora.

Oh, and our punting unit had better figure something out so we can better control field position.

“That’s great, but what’s with the science references?”

Progress reports came out this week. I am just trying to multitask.

“Let’s wrap this up.”

For two weeks now, NCAA Football guru Andy Hodges and I have tied on our weekly picks. This weekend will be mine, and my current 30–6 season mark will find a way to surpass his very respectful 31 – 5.

Word on the streets is Andy decided to go against the HOGS this week. Therefore, I’ll go opposite just to avoid yet another draw by picking our beloved Razorbacks, 34 – 17.

“What are you nuts?”

No, just a little overly optimistic. And, unfortunately, after listening to a few seconds of my instinct’s rebuttal, I will have to go with my true thoughts.

Simply enough, Arkansas is down this season. Way down. And the coach from Shiloh wants nothing more than to run up the score on us.

And even though the Razorbacks have a solid all-time record (11–15) against Auburn, mixed in with a frequency to upset the Plainsmen when they are highly ranked, the Tigers’ loss to LSU last week has only made them hungrier.

Auburn 38–20

“Are you going to pick the rest of the SEC?”

Uh, yeah, that’s what we do.

• (2) Georgia @ Missouri – The Tigers’ winning streak ends. Bulldogs by 24.
• Kent State @ Ole Miss – Rebs by 20.
• (22) Texas A&M at (1) Alabama – Tide by 22.
• South Carolina @ Vanderbilt – Toss-up? Gamecocks by 12.
• Louisiana Tech at LSU – Tigers in a cakewalk by 38.
• (14) Mississippi State @ Kentucky – Bulldogs by 18.
• Florida @ Tennessee – This old rivalry has fizzled… So will the Vols. Gators by 14.

There’s something odd about this season as the opportunities to pick an (on paper) upset within the SEC have been extremely slim.

Therefore, just to hear the Big Ten faithful grumble, Iowa will put an early season damper on Wisconsin. You heard it hear: the Badgers are on a full-blown UPSET ALERT.

Oh, and, uh, Go HOGS!!!

Follow me on ‘Twitter’: @PeterMorganWPS